Michael Bay diarrhea
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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