I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
