If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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