did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
