That's intense
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
