i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize