shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize