ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
