your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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