I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
