so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
