its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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