i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
