Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
