i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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