I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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