I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
