i may or may not be watching the land before time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
