my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
