Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
