Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
