There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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