I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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