sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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