The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
