I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
