i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize