I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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