I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
