She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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