So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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