just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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