omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
