I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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