I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
