someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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