I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
