ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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