do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
