I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
