I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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