A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
