I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We're too hungover to prance.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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