Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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