yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
