***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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