In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize