Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
