the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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