i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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