You just made me feel so damn special
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
