Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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