Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
