DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
