Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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