The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
