Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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