Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
