You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
