I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
