think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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