I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dick has a subreddit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
