Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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