Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
