handjob tips. give me some.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize