why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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