Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
