at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
