One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
