If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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