tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize