So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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