and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
