and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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