I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
