He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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