Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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