I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
