you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
