we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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