I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
