I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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