so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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