I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
