Your tits are I can't wait for
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
