I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
