So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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