Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
