Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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