Sry I called you an 8
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
