I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
